Helping Children Understand Death: Honest Conversations for Tender Hearts

When a loved one dies, the entire family is affected—including the youngest members. But children often experience and express grief in ways that look very different from adults. At times, they may seem unaffected, distracted, or even playful. Other times, they may act out or regress in behavior. These responses can be confusing to adults—but they are completely normal parts of how children cope.

As adults, we want to protect children from pain. It’s natural to feel unsure about what to say—or whether to say anything at all. But children, even very young ones, sense when something has changed. Offering them honest, age-appropriate information is one of the most loving and supportive things we can do.

Be Honest—Gently and Simply

One of the most important things you can do is to use clear, truthful language. It can be tempting to use soft phrases like “Grandpa went to sleep” or “We lost Aunt Marie.” But while well-intended, these phrases can create confusion and even fear in children.

Imagine how a child feels hearing that someone “went to sleep” and never woke up—this can lead to anxiety about going to sleep themselves. Likewise, if someone is “lost,” children may wonder why adults aren’t trying harder to find them.

Instead, use real words like died or has died. You can still speak gently:

“Grandpa died. That means his body stopped working and he can’t come back. We are very sad, and it’s okay for you to be sad too.”

This kind of honesty helps children begin to understand death as a permanent change—something that can be especially difficult for kids raised in a digital world of video games and movie magic, where characters often come back to life again and again.

Kids Grieve Differently

Children don’t always grieve the way adults expect. A child might ask a heartbreaking question one moment—and be playing happily the next. They may not cry much. They may seem angry or frustrated. They may act out at school, become unusually clingy, or say nothing at all.

This doesn't mean they aren’t grieving. It simply means they are processing things in the only way they know how.

Try to:

• Be patient and present, even if their reactions seem confusing.

• Answer questions honestly, even if the answer is “I don’t know.”

• Normalize their feelings, whether they express sadness, fear, or nothing at all.

• Reassure them of their safety and your love, over and over again.

  
  

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Supporting a grieving child can be overwhelming—especially when you're grieving too. Know that help is available. Gentle, age-appropriate grief counseling can give children (and their caregivers) tools to talk about death, understand big feelings, and know they are not alone.

If your child is struggling, or if you're not sure how to talk with them, please feel free to reach out. As a licensed therapist with experience in grief, loss, and family systems, I’m here to support your family during this tender time.

In loving memory, and in support of every child finding their way forward.

Written by Julie Bailey, LCPC, Sacred Roots Therapy & Wellness