The loss of a loved one can leave you feeling disoriented, overwhelmed, and unsure of what to do next. While this can be terribly distressing, it’s important to understand that what you are experiencing is normal and that there is no right way to navigate this difficult time. However, having a general idea of what to expect in the days following a loss can help bring some clarity and insight.
Emotional Responses
Grief is a deeply personal journey, and emotional responses can be very different from person to person. Don’t worry if you are not experiencing your grief the same way someone else is experiencing theirs.
There are many different emotions you may experience. You might feel shock, numbness, sadness, anger, guilt, relief, or even a combination of these. Whatever you are feeling is valid. Give yourself grace and allow yourself to experience these emotions without judgment. And know that they may come and go in waves. You may start feeling better only to find yourself swept away by another strong wave of emotion. I don’t subscribe to the old saying that “time heals all wounds” because it takes much more than just time. I think it’s more accurate to say that “all wounds take time to heal.” So, give yourself the time that you need.
The important thing is that you allow yourself to grieve. You don’t have to be stoic, and you don’t have to be strong. If tears come, it is okay to let them fall rather than trying to choke them back. Tears are a cleansing release and a natural part of the healing process. If you feel angry, find a healthy outlet such as taking a walk or another physical activity such as hitting golf balls or chopping wood.
Allow your feelings to flow. When we bottle up our emotions, we are essentially just carrying them around with us until a later time when they will resurface again.
Caring for Yourself
Amid the practicalities and emotions, it’s easy to forget your own well-being. Grief is physically and emotionally draining, so prioritize self-care where you can:
Rest: You may feel perpetually exhausted for a while. Sleep may be elusive, but rest is essential, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Give yourself permission to take naps or simply relax, and don’t put unrealistic expectations upon yourself. Your body, mind, and spirit are going through a rough time, and resting is more important than ever. The better you sleep, the better you will be able to cope. Make sleep a priority.
Eat and Stay Hydrated: Loss of appetite is common, and it can be easy to skip meals. However, this will leave you feeling weak and can increase the possibility of you becoming unwell. So, try to eat small, nourishing meals to keep your strength up, and don’t forget to drink water. Also, a nice hot cup of peppermint or chamomile tea can be comforting and have a calming effect.
Breathe: Take moments throughout the day to pause, breathe deeply, and center yourself. Inhale slowly through your nose (like you’re smelling some beautiful flowers), and exhale slowly through your mouth (like you’re blowing out birthday candles). Imagine inhaling a sense of peace and exhaling your pain and turmoil. If you find yourself feeling panicky or overwhelmed, that’s the perfect time to pause and just breathe until you feel calmer.
Connect with Nature: Spending time outdoors can be grounding and restorative. Whether it’s sitting in your garden, taking a gentle walk, or simply feeling the sun on your face, nature has a unique way of soothing the soul.
Trying to Find Normal
Things will never again be like they were before, unfortunately. You may find yourself frustrated with the immense amount of change this loss creates in your life. You may feel that there is a lack of routine since the old routine is no longer a thing. This can create a sense of bewilderment, and you might feel “lost,” not knowing exactly how to structure your day. Change is difficult even when we’re not grieving, so have patience with yourself as you adapt. There may be many things to do but find a pace that is manageable for you. Do what is most urgent first and give yourself permission to let other tasks wait. It’s important that you don’t push yourself past your limits physically or emotionally.
Seeking Support
You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Reach out to your support system, whether that includes family, friends, faith communities, or professional counselors. Sometimes, simply sharing your feelings with someone who listens and cares can lighten the burden. It’s very therapeutic to share old stories and memories about your loved one.
Allow yourself to ask for help. There is no shame in this. Most of the people who care about you want to help but may not know exactly what they can do. They will be glad when you let them know something specific they can do to be helpful, whether it’s running an errand or helping move a piece of furniture or just listening. Don’t feel guilty about this. We all need each other sometimes.
Moving Forward
The days following a loss are often a blur, and there is no timeline for grief. Be gentle with yourself as you take each day one step at a time. Remember that healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means finding a way to carry the love and memories of your loved one forward while also finding peace within yourself. If you find yourself feeling stuck or overwhelmed, professional grief therapy can provide tools and guidance to help you process your emotions.
Note from Julie Bailey, LCPC:
At Sacred Roots Therapy and Wellness, we’re here to walk alongside you in your journey of healing. Seeking professional support is a sign of strength, and we’re honored to be part of your healing process.
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